The pressure to excel

Exam on Friday! I worked on a practice exam paper last night and came out with 64%. My first thought ‘arg, that’s not good!

Before the wedding I didn’t have time to study much and told myself and others that as long as I got 50% it was fine. That is a pass after all. Now that we are closer to the date I feel a mounting pressure to excel at this. It is Statistics, Maths is supposed to be my thing and the thought of doing less than a distinction (75%) is disheartening.

After the paper I worked on a couple of other exam style questions to try and see where the holes in my knowledge are. I wasn’t feeling well so I also went to bed early and spent the rest of the night doing stats calculations in my head. So where does one draw the line? 64 is not bad, with minimal work I can pull it up to 70. Why is this not enough?

At what point is it better to stop stressing and be happy with results as is? The drive to excel is not all bad though, it pushes people to do better and can result in some pretty amazing feats. I guess, as in most things in life, it is about finding a balance. I don’t seem to have found it quite yet. Requiring perfection from myself is something I often struggle with. It has improved in recent years and I do push myself less hard than before (after ending up in hospital twice you do learn that your body can’t take the continued pressure for long). To combat the sleepless nights I will have to fall back to an older coping mechanism. Spend at least half an hour before bedtime not studying. I found before that it helps to put the books aside, have a hot shower and a cup of tea and maybe read a chapter or two of a novel before bed. Luckily it is only a few more nights till the exam.

I am still learning to cut myself some slack.

DIY Honey and Orange Body wash

Being on a bit of a homeopathy spree and seeing as how our body wash was almost finished I decided to make some more. I made the original in August. It lasted 3 months! So very cost effective. There were some problems with the original though. It smelled strongly of soap and had an unpleasant slimy texture.

This time I tried something a little different.

For the base soap I bought a simple honey bar from a local market (R20 made with honey, glycerine and vegetable oil). I was hoping the honey would give the wash a more natural smell. I am still looking for a pure vegetable oil - glycerine soap but haven’t managed to find anything yet. I will keep looking.

Ingredients:

Half a bar of honey soap
3 cups of warm water
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon coconut oil (I would’ve put more but we’ve run out)
½ tablespoon Apricot kernel oil
5 drops lavender essential oil
5 drops tea tree essential oil
40 drops sweet orange essential oil (DH kept adding more since he found that the smell didn’t carry over the honey of the soap and he likes citrus smells as much as I do – I have noticed though that the orange essential oil smell doesn’t carry as strongly as the peppermint or tea tree, so I might not use it the next time I make a body wash)

I heated all the ingredients (except the essential oils) in a pan until everything had melted. The mixture was very liquid but I’ve learnt from last time that it thickens considerably as it cools down. I then let it cool down a bit before adding the essential oils (I find that if I add them to a hot mixture they seem to just evaporate out). I mixed well and transferred the mixture to a small squeeze bottle and the extra into a glass jar. The smaller squeeze bottle will be easier to use in the shower than the screw top plastic bottle I used last time (not to mentions it looks better as well). Now you just need to wait for it to set, about 24hrs. Tada all done!

I made about 650ml for less than R20. DH has been using it since and I actually find it now has a very citrusy smell (so maybe too much orange essence after all). He says this version is much better than the last one so it looks like this recipe is a winner.

Cosy vs Minimalism?

I mentioned to DH this weekend about how much space getting rid of my Terry Prachett book collection would free up. Up until now I’ve gotten rid of almost all my books except for this collection (+-30 that I’ve been collecting since I was about 15), a few large glossy art books (a beautiful set I often look to for inspiration) and a complete set of my favourite manga books. He was horrified and said no. Our conversation went sort of like this:

Me: But they are my books so I can get rid of them
DH: But you’ve been collecting them forever and re-read them every now and then. I thought you loved them
Me: I do but I can get them on the Kindle
DH: No, they look nice on the shelf; you can’t get rid of everything. It will start to look empty here
Me: Is that a bad thing? I like the emptiness
DH: No mine, your home has to look nice, it looks cosier. Leave them

So hmmm, does this mean minimalists don’t have cosy homes? I will admit to not being a huge fan of those sterile white interiors which are toted as very modern and hip. I always feel like they can’t be very comfortable to live in, everything would look dirty so fast and you would feel like you couldn’t leave anything out ever.

I want a cosy home but looks like my definition isn’t the same as DHs. For me cosy means comfortable, everything in easy access, nice art on the walls, throws on the sofa and plump cushions in my favourite reading spot. Since I am a lighting designer I attach great importance to good lighting and feel like lighting can do more to make a place feel cosy than having a full bookshelf.

For DH cosy is more a sense that the house is well loved and show cases the lives of the people who live there, ie our books out, photos of us and our friends on the fridge or framed and lots of stuff we love all around and on display.

Looks like this is going to be something we need to discuss to find some middle ground on before I continue getting rid of everything on all our shelves. So far I have bought some house plants which do fill up some blank space and DH likes. They have been a compromise and we are both happy with the solution.

Minimalism will have to work for us though not the other way around, so I will cut back only as much as is acceptable for DH at the moment. I want us both to feel comfortable in our home.

DIY Peppermint Deodorant

Thursday night I made my own Deo. I started off with a basic recipe I found here. Unfortunately I had to improvise a bit as I did not have all the oils originally called for. Here is my ingredient list:

¼ cup baking Soda

¼ cup Corn flour (same as corn starch)

About 4 tablespoons Coconut oil

½ teaspoon Apricot Kernel oil

6 drops Tea tree oil

10 drops Peppermint oil

2 drops lavender oil

I blended the first 3 ingredients together and ended up adding a bit more soda and flour as I found the mixture not stiff enough (I went for a thick smooth consistency; if it’s too crumbly add coconut oil). Then I added the other oils and mixed it all up with a spoon. I then transferred the mixture to a glass jar. When I added the other oils the mixture went a bit creamier then I had hoped but by the next morning it had set into a fairly solid block. I use it by just dipping a finger in and rubbing it into my armpits. The minty smell is fantastic and it seems to be working very well. I was a bit worried with all the powder in the mixture it would be a bit flaky in my pits or leave a white powdery residue but I’ve not had a problem with this so far. Think the trick is to use only a small amount and rub it in well.

Massages and Tea

Occasionally DH and I go for a massage. We like EnMasse close to the Gardens centre. We have also decided to get a massage once a month (this is their Blue membership at R750 per month for 2x1hr massages). The reason for including more massages in our lives are varied, we enjoy the experience, it releases some tension (I regularly have tension headaches and DH tends to crop stress in his shoulders or lower back) and it is a little treat we can look forward to.

The reasons we like En masse: It is a fully clothed massage (since DH, especially, doesn’t like to be too exposed), since its clothed they also don’t use oils which means you’re not greasy after and need to shower. The atmosphere is soothing and we are enjoying the variety of teas they offer after your massage (Note: the tea bar closes at 7.45pm so if you are coming in for a later massage go in a bit early to have your tea before the massage). In fact a friend of DH gifted us a tea set of theirs with some of their tea. We have since bought some other flavours. Each has its own positive properties.

Devils Advocate: A chilli and Ginger infusion, this one is very spicy and I enjoy it mostly in the morning as a good wake-up tea. It is stimulating and good for the immune system.

Jasmine Queen: I consider this a more afternoon tea, this is the one we received from Dh’s friend. He bought it for us as it was the only En Masse tea listed with aphrodisiac properties.

Twilight Zone: A lavender blend we’ve enjoyed a couple of times now as a bedtime soother.

They have many other blends I am keen to try out though! You can also mix the teas which adds a whole extra range of possible flavours! I am finding the whole process of brewing tea to be very zen as well and the pretty tea set helps as well (it is all glass, including the cups which are double-walled). The fact that these teas are so strong and full of flavour also means you don’t need extra sugar or honey so we can enjoy them pure. I am hopeful that once the herbs in the garden are more established I will be able to use some of them in teas as well.

Stepping back from my wardrobe

Today I counted my clothing items, I own about 80 pieces of clothing (excluding shoes). This includes winter and summer gear as well as gym clothing and an old T shirt and shorts I keep for gardening. This is enough for me for now. I have halved my wardrobe since August and will pause the process here for a while. There are still items I don’t wear often but these are also more special occasion stuff, like pretty going out tops and a full length grey dress that is also for more formal affairs. I have been so obsessed with a capsule wardrobe that I almost forgot the big picture. I realised this last night when I woke up in a panic dreaming about clothing I had to give away! How awful to have it prey so heavily on my mind, that was not the purpose of this whole cutting down evolution. The clothing I have now represents a good working wardrobe with a selection of colours and styles. I have enough items that I will now rely on a more natural process of slimming down, ie I won’t replace items so quickly as they wear out.

I will keep the work experiment going though. 4 work weeks with 12 items. After 4 days everything is still going fine. Dressing in the morning is a cinch and I feel that everything I wear seems quite professional and suits me well (I got rid of some ill-fitting work tops earlier). It is also very basic and maybe a bit bland but that’s ok because I always look forward to going home and putting on my brights at the end of each day. Tomorrow Ill wear my coral blouse though as I am itching for a splash of colour.

My working wardrobe capsule

I was thinking about trying out the 30 fro 30 challenge (30 items of clothing for 30 days) and have decided that it is probably too big a challenge for me at the moment. I love my bright colours and have pinks, corals and myriad shades of blue in my closet which would make it quite difficult to come up with the basic pieces that will mix and match well. Also I am not scared to admit that I think I will probably get bored with my wardrobe very soon if I had to limit it like this.

Instead I decided to try something similar on only my work cloths. I have a semi-uniform for work; Neutral colours, pants, a shirt and flat shoes. Work is casual enough that I can wear jeans and although I could get away with wearing T-shirts I prefer to wear a shirt with a collar as I find this an easy way to look professional and make a divide between my work and my home cloths. As a child I always went to a school with uniforms (most schools here in SA) and I’ve continued to change when I get home ever since. I find coming home from work, taking a shower and then putting on my home cloths the easiest way for me to separate my thoughts and to keep my mind from dwelling on work issues after hours.

So I thought since I already have a uniform it wouldn’t be too hard to limit myself here. I choose only 12 items, things that are already staples in my work life. I tried to make sure that everything went with everything else for maximum flexibility.

My work items:
1 x Jeans (bootleg)
1 x Black pants
1 x Purple pants
1 x white ¾ shirt
1 x black satin shirt
1 x Short sleeved white shirt
1 x coral shirt
1 x navy Cardigan
1 x grey jumper
1 x blue-grey handbag
1 pair black moccasin flats
1 pair grey leather trainers

 

Almost all of above is black, white or grey. However I included my purple pants and a coral shirt for some colour and they go quite well with the purple glasses I wear while at work (I find my contacts irritate me when I am doing lots of work on the PC). I realise a black bag would probably be a better match with the items I choose but since I don’t own one this blue has become my working standard, luckily since I spend all day in the office it is only visible on the way to and from the office so I am not too worried that it doesn’t match my black items. I apologise for poor pic quality, the cable for my better camera has been temporarily misplaced what with so many people having stayed  in our flat moving stuff around it’s a mission to find anything! I will try this out for a month to see how it goes.

Monday I wore my jeans, white ¾ shirt and my black moccasins. Tuesday was the same except I swapped out the jeans for the purple pants. Hoping this will simplify my mornings a bit.

Things Ive noticed purging my wardrobe

I’ve been purging my closet every now and then since August and find new stuff to chuck each time. I am also starting to notice more which items I consistently wear and what I don’t.

What I’ve noticed;

·         I love skirts but never seem to wear them! I must have had about 20 pairs, I’ve streamlined this down to two and I am still considering this a lot. Lesson learned: Stop buying skirts!

·         Instead of skirts I wear cropped pants. Not shorts! In fact I seem to avoid wearing anything that falls over the knee (I think I have horribly knobbly knees and prefer to always keep them covered). So I will stop buying shorts as well, but keep a select number of cropped pants (I have a blue, black, white and grey pair so I am quite covered).

·         Do not buy heels more than 4cm high. I have purged almost all my high heels, they are mostly uncomfortable, difficult to drive in and my DH doesn’t like the fact that they make me the same height (or taller!) as him. I did keep one pair of purple studded heels though (because every girl should have at least one pair of killer heels right?)

·         Most of the clothing I wear a lot seems to be in similar shades. The colours I wear a lot: Navy, Fushia, Purple and various shades of blue (a smidge of coral also crept in last summer). I have decided to make these colours the focus of my wardrobe and stop buying items that vary from this standard (besides for black and white). Hopefully simplifying my colour palette will enable me to move towards a more capsule like wardrobe where everything suits everything else.

·         I like slightly puffed out sleeves on T-shirts, wide necks and most Ts I wear a lot are solid colours. I have one or two printed Ts but seem to avoid patterns on my cloths.

·         My style seems to be classic cut but fairly bright (I do love some colour!). I feel most comfortable in modest clothing (not for me plunging necklines and short skirts!) but do not mind wearing tight figure revealing stuff as long as my skin is covered.

Knowing all this it should be easier in future to decide what I need and what I should rather leave in the shop. Maybe I can even split up my colours into a winter and summer palette. My coral for ie are all summer items, whereas most of my purple items translate well to winter outfits.

Purchasing errors

I know everyone occasionally buys stuff they regret later. I have about 3-4 clothing blunders every year. It’s a lot less than during my student days but still way more than I would like. Purging my wardrobe the first time in August got rid of a lot of the older purchases but still left me with a few regrets.

My single biggest recent mistake was buying these:

 

A pair of wedge sneakers in Tan. I think they are very pretty but they are wrong for me on numerous levels;

1.       I don’t own any tan/beige/brown clothing that would match. I can only get them to work with my jeans and two other pairs of pants.

2.       Their ankle height means you need a skinny pant under or something shorter (I never wear skirts)

3.       I find them to be big and clumpy and quite heavy on my feet

4.       I almost never wear heels

5.       Lastly I feel awkward in them, they are supposed to be very in and trendy (or were when I bought them) but when I put them on I get the feeling I’m not wearing the right stuff with them. I almost feel like they are too fashion forward for me and the rest of my outfit feels frumpy in comparison.

They are practically brand new, I wore them 2-3 times when I first bought them and then packed them away and haven’t taken them out since. What do you do with something like this? Part of me wants to continue ignoring them rather than admit the mistake (after all they weren’t cheap either), part of me feels I should make an effort to wear them and the rest feels they should go.

I also wish I was hip enough to pull these off. I’ve learnt that some of my mistake purchases are when I buy items to fit a lifestyle I would like to have rather than my current one. Examples such as this one (I am a hip young trend setter), sky high polished business pumps and tailored black pants (a successful corporate CEO), 2 beach dresses (why, oh why?).

I also often get suckered into the ‘buy the second one at half price’ ads which is why I have some items numerous times just in different colours. I am looking at you Urban for always getting me here!

I am hoping this no-buying stuff for a year and the 30 for 30 project (more on this later) will teach me to think better before I purchase items and help avoid making future blunders

My Garden

So here’s a pic of my new little garden! I am quite pleased at how it is looking and especially chuffed that I put in the wooden stepping stones (which allow me access everywhere without always having to stand in the dirt, perfect for harvesting something quickly while already dressed for dinner). It is also sloped so I’ve taken care to put rock ridges up to make flattish terraces. Hopefully this will keep the soil from running downhill.

I’ve planted seedlings:
Fennel, Parsley, Oregano, Wild Rocket, Red Basil, Lettuce, Sage, Basil, Coriander, Mint, Thyme
 
Seeds;
Spinach, Water cress, Sunflowers and more basil. Im looking forward to when they pop out and fill in the garden a bit more. Scan the soil everymorning for the first buds!

And discovered some other herbs in the garden (my downstairs neighbour took me around to point them all out): Lavender, Lemon Thyme, Wild rocket (this one really just looks like a weed to me!) and Rosemary.

We have so many herbs in the garden now! I will have to start looking at recipes to use them all. Some I will have to wait awhile to use since the plants are still too small for harvesting, but others like the rosemary and wild rocket are already very established and we can use at will.

I must still find a way to make some name tags. At the moment I am just using bits of cardboard so that I can remember what’s what (since I can’t recognize herbs yet). Will need to move to something more permanent but don’t want to buy anything. Must make a plan.

The outdoors

Last night was the last night with my sister and her husband staying with us. Now everyone is out the house and I am looking forward to having the house uncluttered and just to us and the cat again.

We had dinner outside. I think we should try and stay outside as much as possible throughout the coming summer now. It is pleasant to sit outside and look at the garden and just chat away from any distractions like the computers or TV. She has also organized us an organic vegetable packet every other week. I can go pick-up the first one tomorrow and I am quite curious what will be in it. Me and my husband usually eat a lot of take-away (thank goodness eating out is fairly cheap in SA!), like 4-5 times a week! We’ve been saying for a while that we should cook at home more often and maybe this veggie packet will be a way to stimulate that.

I also went through my closet again and piled up another bunch of cloths. My sister had said she desperately needed new clothing and would take anything I didn’t want any more so that motivated a second purge. I found quite a bit, more actually than I thought I would after my initial purge at the start of August. I also haven’t bought any new clothing items since end July (so on month 4 of my no-buying year!). Proud of myself but dodging my husband at the mo who has said I really ought to buy some new pyjamas. I am currently using my yoga pants with an old T-shirt or a cute set with Hello Kitty (which I think is adorable but he thinks no-one over 16 should be wearing). So I might have to make one exception.

Moving outdoors

Well, finally life is starting to settle down a bit. Enough that I can relax with my new husband and start to let being married sink-in. The last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of activity and we have had family around non-stop. We even had people staying in our flat (in the living room since we have no guest rooms) and it served as a holding space for luggage for everyone coming and going. Laundry was done almost every day and the living room was crowded with so much stuff. It has been an exercise in patience for me as well. Everywhere I looked in the house it was a mess, but I couldn’t clean as most stuff wasn’t ours. There was stuff everywhere and I saw all the de-cluttering I’d been doing totally undone. *sigh*

 

The only way to escape the madness inside over which I had no control was to open-up the back door and roll outside. We recently bought garden furniture (before the minimalism thing) and we had the table and chairs out almost constantly, we could sit outside in the calm and have a meal not staring at all the clear-up work that still needed doing. That was a saviour. My sister, who’s turned into an avid gardener and grows a lot of her own vegetables, helped me to convert a small plot by our back door into a herb garden. Now we can sit outside and have the garden to look at. It is very pretty and makes me happy. We should have done this long ago but it was the initial effort needed that always seemed too much. Now my sister’s husband prepped the soil while we went shopping for the plants and then we spent a couple of hours decided on the layout and where to put stuff that was quite enjoyable. That night I used some of our wedding jars with candles to place around the garden and having dinner outside was great. My husband, who didn’t seem very keen on gardening before, was talking about the watering system he could set-up and seemed very excited as well.

Bonus, last night we had a braai for the building tenants (this is a first for our building but it nice that everyone seems to get on and we have some interesting neighbours) and everyone seemed really impressed and motivated as well. Now there’s talk of getting a worm farm and extending the gardening efforts to adjoining plots. It is motivating that other people are so excited as well. It’s a very different response than I had to the minimizing though.