Admitting defeat (temporarily)

I spent most of my weekend studying. I am tired, grumpy and stressed, worrying about whether I will manage to be properly prepared by the examination dates.

I have also come to a conclusion: I am doing too much. There is no way I can cope at this level for very long, I am already feeling rundown. It is affecting my work and my relationship. My DH is complaining that we can hardly do anything together as I am always busy or tired. It is making me feel very guilty as well. As much as I hate to admit it, I am not Wonder Woman and I can’t do everything.

Now that I’ve come to this conclusion it was time to undertake some action.

I have decreased my school workload for next semester.  I am dropping from 60% full time student load to 40%. It will take me a few extra years to complete the course but at least I feel it will be manageable. I have also already registered for next semester and paid the fees so I have access to the necessary material and study guides, this means I should be able to start studying a bit earlier (in June already, instead of August).

In the meantime though I have to get through this semester. Exams are in May-June. I’ve just handed in my first set of assignments, next are due start of April. Studying is complicated by the fact that I have a 2 week work trip to Europe in April as well. I don’t think I will be able to study during that time as I will be working during the day and there are client/supplier dinners in the evening. I have set-up a tight schedule and am trying to stick to it. I think the next three months I will just have to push through and maybe let some other things slide, ie no de-cluttering, easy cooking, less cleaning, less time with friends etc. I console myself that at least it’s only for the next three months and I just have to struggle through. Worst case I could always ask to have one course postponed till next exam period but I am hoping it won’t come to that.

So maybe admitting defeat is not a bad thing. I have not given-up on my degree; I’ve merely accepted that I will need more time to complete it. Allowing myself to slow down might even make my degree more achievable. If I had continued at my current pace I would burn out very fast and possibly quit completely. Maybe this is all about learning to be kind to oneself, something I admittedly struggle with. I always push myself hard but every now and then I need to put things in perspective, realise I’m not doing so badly and take a breather.