When More is Less

I’ve been reading snippets of Barry Schartz – The Paradox of choice.

He talks about the affluence in America today, how people have so many more options than before but are not measurably happier. He says that the overabundance of options (everything from cereal to which university to go to) makes us feel like we have to analyse every decision we make. We are also quicker to regret choices, always thinking we missed out on a better opportunity.

He says it is better to live as a satisficing, someone who makes decisions they find are good enough and moves on than a maximizer, someone who always looks for the best deal. Maximizers are often overwhelmed by the options, spend too much time making a decision and more often have regrets about whether it was correct afterwards.

I feel like this resonates with me, particularly in this season of gift buying.

To be happier Swartz suggests accepting your decisions (not trying to reverse them afterward for fear of missing out on better) and appreciating what you have rather than constantly comparing your life to others.

There is great similarity in this, minimalism and the blogs I read about simplifying your life and finding happiness. It is reassuring to know that it is normal to feel overwhelmed by all the choices we make today. I feel like I would like to cut some of the more mundane choices out of my life. It is not always easy to avoid decisions though. A life is full of them, from everyday like what to eat and wear to more important decisions like who to marry, whether to have children or what career you want.

When making big decisions I like to be informed, at the moment for ie I am reading everything I can about children. DH wants to start a family but I am not convinced yet. Learning and reading up about stuff has always been my way of coping with hard decisions. My mother told me though that this is not a decision you’re ever really ready for and sometimes you just have to have faith that it will all work out. Maybe shes right maybe decisions should rely more on faith and intuition than endless research. Still not sure about kids but mulling things over and trying not to over analyse. Or maybe I should rather try and limit my decision options in smaller items such as whats for dinner first instead of such a huge life question.

Gift buying and minimalism

What to do when you’re the only minimalist during Christmas?

We are going to France to meet-up with all DHs family. We will be spending Christmas with them. They usually give each other gifts and DH has already told me that he grew up with a lot of stuff and in his family material gifts are important. Gift giving is kinda how they show they care. Hmmm tough for me now. I was hoping to skip the whole gift giving rigmarole, and have told everyone not to worry about getting me anything there’s nothing I want.

But what about when you know you are getting things anyway? Culturally the concept of reciprocation is very strong. It is inbuilt and very hard not to give back once you’ve received something. So all of a sudden I’m faced with having to get some gifts anyway. Gifts for people in France.  I would like to avoid material gifts, so far I am thinking vouchers for massages, movie tickets etc. However since these companies are based in France their websites are all in French (predictable but not making my life easier). His family also live in a tiny village so no major shops or chains close by I can get them vouchers for. At this point I am thinking to just fill the suitcase with food and drink from here and give everyone some of that.

There are many online idea gift lists for minimalists, all saying experience experience, which is fine if you’re in a big metro where there are lots of options. I don’t even think there’s a cinema in DHs hometown! There’s quite a bit of pressure on me now to go out and buy something, anything! Or am I being needlessly hard on myself?

Choosing how you feel

Today I am tired. I feel like I have a million errands to run and there was traffic getting to work this morning. Ordinarily I would be upset and angry.

Angry at my spouse for gaming late and keeping me up last night.  Angry that he is not helping out more with the chores.  Annoyed that I had to take a detour into traffic this morning to pick up a colleague and cross in general since I’m tired. I would normally be snappy for the rest of the day and pass on my foul mood to everyone I came in contact with today.

But there is an alternative. I can choose not to be angry. Stuff happens, it’s not always good but we can choose how much we let it affect us. In the past I have always let it affect me a lot. I panic and freak out or feel so overwhelmed I just want to go home and cry. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I can master my emotions. I choose not to be upset today (how unfortunate that doesn’t work for tired as well!). I have made a list of my errands and will work through them. Instead of being cross with DH I asked him for help. He can do some errands for me. I have to pause every time I am getting upset and realise he is not doing it on purpose, he just doesn’t know. When I ask him to do something he gets it done so I should just ask more often without sitting around fuming and wondering how long it will take him to notice. That is unfair on him.

So today I will be tired yes, but I will also be calm. Maybe I can even choose to be happy :)

Work wardrobe Results:

Here are the results of my 4-week 12 piece work wardrobe challenge

Monday 11: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Tuesday 12: Purple pants, white ¾, moccasins
Wednesday 13: Purple pants, black satin shirt, grey jersey, moccasins
Thursday 14: Jeans, black satin shirt, grey jersey, moccasins
Friday 15: Jeans, coral shirt, waistcoat, geox tekkies

Monday 18: White striped shirt, black pants, moccasins, grey jersey
Tuesday 19: White striped shirt, jeans, moccasins, navy cardigan
Wednesday 20: Jeans, Black satin shirt, moccasins
Thursday 21: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins, navy cardigan
Friday 22: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins, navy cardigan

Monday 25: Purple pants, black satin shirt, geox tekkies, grey jersey
Tuesday 26: Jeans, black satin shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Wednesday 27: Jeans, white striped shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Thursday 28: Jeans, white striped shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Friday 29: EXAM – so I exempted myself from work cloths

Monday 2: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Tuesday 3: Jeans, black satin shirt, moccasins, grey jersey
Wednesday 4: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Thursday 5: Jeans, White Striped shirt, moccasins
Friday 6: Purple pants, White Striped shirt, moccasins

What I learned from the experience;

· 4 tops are not enough. I wear 3 in a week, laundry is in the weekend and, because I air-dry, ironing is done on Wednesday evening. This means I have a three day week start with only 1 available clean top. Fortunately my black satin top requires no ironing and can be worn straight off the dry line

· The coral top was a mistake: It is hand wash or with similar colours only. Normally I can just wait until I’ve some same colours or a stack of hand washing and do it all then. With just 4 tops though I cannot afford to have one unavailable for long. It is also a fairly loose summery top, so for work I actually cheated once and added a waist coat over it to give it some more shape.

· The black pants also didn’t get a lot of wear. I like the idea of sleek black clothing but don’t actually seem to like wearing it myself. Maybe they remind me too much of a school uniform (all through high school I wore black pants with a white shirt). I don’t know what it is but it is something I have picked up on before. That’s one of the reasons I decided to make Navy a base colour of mine instead of using black.

· A limited wardrobe like this is fairly boring! Especially since (see above) my one pop of colour was mostly in the laundry basket. At the start of week three I was already tired of the look. I decided then to try and inject some interest via more interesting jewellery I had. This helped a bit but not much as I was uncertain about wearing anything too flashy to work.

· Nobody seemed to notice my limited wardrobe, I do work with only men though, they are not as perceptive but it did make me realise you don’t need a large work wardrobe

· I’ve also started to notice increased wear and tear on my cloths. My white striped shirt has worn so thin that the sleeves are starting to fray and it is going see-through!

Conclusion:

Even though I succeeded at the 4 week challenge I did not enjoy the process. I found such a limited wardrobe dull and yearned for some more variety. I think the concept of fewer items is great in theory and I can understand the benefits for saving time (getting dressed took all of three seconds with such limited choice) and money but I don’t know if it will work for me. I think I’ve reached a point in my wardrobe where I’ve slimmed down as much as I am comfortable with for now. Yes I probably still own too much but I’ve cut out about 60% of my wardrobe which is huge so I should be happy with that for now.

The appeal of silence

3 months ago I stopped listening to radio in the car. Mostly it was to avoid the constant advertising although the fact that the Djs are excessively chatty here was also a factor.

Instead I collected my favourite CDs (which would never get played in the house since we play all our music off a hard drive). Every morning or afternoon before I started driving I would choose one to suit my current mood. Usually it was fairly upbeat and I would sing along. Singing in my car makes me happy. After a while I found that on my morning commute I usually wanted something calmer. So mornings I started to listen to classical or peaceful music (Beck – seasons change  got a lot of play).

Recently though I have switched off the music completely on the morning drive. I was starting to find even the quite music a bit disruptive. Now about every other morning I drive to work in silence. It is roughly 20 minutes that I try to keep silent and my mind clear. I try not to think about work and what I need to do that day. No shopping lists, plans for later or thoughts of meeting friends. Besides for focusing on the traffic (please be alert when driving!) I like to let my mind wonder and not pay too much attention on where. I find that I come into work calmer, more awake and focussed. Now I am considering eliminating music from my morning drive completely. It is rather soothing.

The only small niggle I have is that people I talk to find it a bit strange. I don’t have TV (haven’t for about 7 years now), I started to avoid reading the newspaper and then the radio. Now I try to avoid even noise as well. For a society that needs constant background chatter I can understand that it seems a bit odd, which is why I don’t tell everyone. I get asked sometimes what I think of a new song on the radio and I reply with a vague oh I haven’t heard it yet. I don’t know the names of many actors and I don’t hear about the news unless someone tells me. I suppose some people find it a bit detached but it suits me fine, I also don’t worry about these things. Maybe other people should try a little silence too every now and then.

A new painting

I started a new artwork last night. I bought the canvas this weekend and spent the rest of the weekend deciding what to paint and finalising details (I am not a slap the paint on the canvas kinda girl – my perfectionist tendencies run to painting as well and I like to do some prep before starting on a new piece). Yesterday at work I was distracted by the thought of going home and starting on the piece. I was excited and fidgety. I was eager to start and I was surprised by the level of my anticipation. Clearly I should try and paint more often if I get this excited. The last piece I did was in March of this year.

At home I carefully sketched out the design. Taking my time to make certain I got all the details I wanted in and that the piece was exactly in the centre of my canvas. Tonight I can start with paint. I am looking forward to that as well. To mixing the colours up just right (the acrylics I use tend to turn a shade darker once dry so I’ve learnt to adapt slightly). I will get my easel out, put some background music on, possibly have a glass of wine next to me (yep the cutting out alcohol is not going so well at the moment) and paint. Before I know it, it will be time for bed. That’s what doing something you enjoy does, for me I zone out and time flies by.

I wonder why I put off doing something I enjoy so much. You should never be too busy; you make time for your pleasures right?  I am hoping with all the wedding stuff over now I can move to a more relaxed routine with more time for myself and fewer commitments on my time.

The pressure to excel

Exam on Friday! I worked on a practice exam paper last night and came out with 64%. My first thought ‘arg, that’s not good!

Before the wedding I didn’t have time to study much and told myself and others that as long as I got 50% it was fine. That is a pass after all. Now that we are closer to the date I feel a mounting pressure to excel at this. It is Statistics, Maths is supposed to be my thing and the thought of doing less than a distinction (75%) is disheartening.

After the paper I worked on a couple of other exam style questions to try and see where the holes in my knowledge are. I wasn’t feeling well so I also went to bed early and spent the rest of the night doing stats calculations in my head. So where does one draw the line? 64 is not bad, with minimal work I can pull it up to 70. Why is this not enough?

At what point is it better to stop stressing and be happy with results as is? The drive to excel is not all bad though, it pushes people to do better and can result in some pretty amazing feats. I guess, as in most things in life, it is about finding a balance. I don’t seem to have found it quite yet. Requiring perfection from myself is something I often struggle with. It has improved in recent years and I do push myself less hard than before (after ending up in hospital twice you do learn that your body can’t take the continued pressure for long). To combat the sleepless nights I will have to fall back to an older coping mechanism. Spend at least half an hour before bedtime not studying. I found before that it helps to put the books aside, have a hot shower and a cup of tea and maybe read a chapter or two of a novel before bed. Luckily it is only a few more nights till the exam.

I am still learning to cut myself some slack.

DIY Honey and Orange Body wash

Being on a bit of a homeopathy spree and seeing as how our body wash was almost finished I decided to make some more. I made the original in August. It lasted 3 months! So very cost effective. There were some problems with the original though. It smelled strongly of soap and had an unpleasant slimy texture.

This time I tried something a little different.

For the base soap I bought a simple honey bar from a local market (R20 made with honey, glycerine and vegetable oil). I was hoping the honey would give the wash a more natural smell. I am still looking for a pure vegetable oil - glycerine soap but haven’t managed to find anything yet. I will keep looking.

Ingredients:

Half a bar of honey soap
3 cups of warm water
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon coconut oil (I would’ve put more but we’ve run out)
½ tablespoon Apricot kernel oil
5 drops lavender essential oil
5 drops tea tree essential oil
40 drops sweet orange essential oil (DH kept adding more since he found that the smell didn’t carry over the honey of the soap and he likes citrus smells as much as I do – I have noticed though that the orange essential oil smell doesn’t carry as strongly as the peppermint or tea tree, so I might not use it the next time I make a body wash)

I heated all the ingredients (except the essential oils) in a pan until everything had melted. The mixture was very liquid but I’ve learnt from last time that it thickens considerably as it cools down. I then let it cool down a bit before adding the essential oils (I find that if I add them to a hot mixture they seem to just evaporate out). I mixed well and transferred the mixture to a small squeeze bottle and the extra into a glass jar. The smaller squeeze bottle will be easier to use in the shower than the screw top plastic bottle I used last time (not to mentions it looks better as well). Now you just need to wait for it to set, about 24hrs. Tada all done!

I made about 650ml for less than R20. DH has been using it since and I actually find it now has a very citrusy smell (so maybe too much orange essence after all). He says this version is much better than the last one so it looks like this recipe is a winner.

Cosy vs Minimalism?

I mentioned to DH this weekend about how much space getting rid of my Terry Prachett book collection would free up. Up until now I’ve gotten rid of almost all my books except for this collection (+-30 that I’ve been collecting since I was about 15), a few large glossy art books (a beautiful set I often look to for inspiration) and a complete set of my favourite manga books. He was horrified and said no. Our conversation went sort of like this:

Me: But they are my books so I can get rid of them
DH: But you’ve been collecting them forever and re-read them every now and then. I thought you loved them
Me: I do but I can get them on the Kindle
DH: No, they look nice on the shelf; you can’t get rid of everything. It will start to look empty here
Me: Is that a bad thing? I like the emptiness
DH: No mine, your home has to look nice, it looks cosier. Leave them

So hmmm, does this mean minimalists don’t have cosy homes? I will admit to not being a huge fan of those sterile white interiors which are toted as very modern and hip. I always feel like they can’t be very comfortable to live in, everything would look dirty so fast and you would feel like you couldn’t leave anything out ever.

I want a cosy home but looks like my definition isn’t the same as DHs. For me cosy means comfortable, everything in easy access, nice art on the walls, throws on the sofa and plump cushions in my favourite reading spot. Since I am a lighting designer I attach great importance to good lighting and feel like lighting can do more to make a place feel cosy than having a full bookshelf.

For DH cosy is more a sense that the house is well loved and show cases the lives of the people who live there, ie our books out, photos of us and our friends on the fridge or framed and lots of stuff we love all around and on display.

Looks like this is going to be something we need to discuss to find some middle ground on before I continue getting rid of everything on all our shelves. So far I have bought some house plants which do fill up some blank space and DH likes. They have been a compromise and we are both happy with the solution.

Minimalism will have to work for us though not the other way around, so I will cut back only as much as is acceptable for DH at the moment. I want us both to feel comfortable in our home.

DIY Peppermint Deodorant

Thursday night I made my own Deo. I started off with a basic recipe I found here. Unfortunately I had to improvise a bit as I did not have all the oils originally called for. Here is my ingredient list:

¼ cup baking Soda

¼ cup Corn flour (same as corn starch)

About 4 tablespoons Coconut oil

½ teaspoon Apricot Kernel oil

6 drops Tea tree oil

10 drops Peppermint oil

2 drops lavender oil

I blended the first 3 ingredients together and ended up adding a bit more soda and flour as I found the mixture not stiff enough (I went for a thick smooth consistency; if it’s too crumbly add coconut oil). Then I added the other oils and mixed it all up with a spoon. I then transferred the mixture to a glass jar. When I added the other oils the mixture went a bit creamier then I had hoped but by the next morning it had set into a fairly solid block. I use it by just dipping a finger in and rubbing it into my armpits. The minty smell is fantastic and it seems to be working very well. I was a bit worried with all the powder in the mixture it would be a bit flaky in my pits or leave a white powdery residue but I’ve not had a problem with this so far. Think the trick is to use only a small amount and rub it in well.

Massages and Tea

Occasionally DH and I go for a massage. We like EnMasse close to the Gardens centre. We have also decided to get a massage once a month (this is their Blue membership at R750 per month for 2x1hr massages). The reason for including more massages in our lives are varied, we enjoy the experience, it releases some tension (I regularly have tension headaches and DH tends to crop stress in his shoulders or lower back) and it is a little treat we can look forward to.

The reasons we like En masse: It is a fully clothed massage (since DH, especially, doesn’t like to be too exposed), since its clothed they also don’t use oils which means you’re not greasy after and need to shower. The atmosphere is soothing and we are enjoying the variety of teas they offer after your massage (Note: the tea bar closes at 7.45pm so if you are coming in for a later massage go in a bit early to have your tea before the massage). In fact a friend of DH gifted us a tea set of theirs with some of their tea. We have since bought some other flavours. Each has its own positive properties.

Devils Advocate: A chilli and Ginger infusion, this one is very spicy and I enjoy it mostly in the morning as a good wake-up tea. It is stimulating and good for the immune system.

Jasmine Queen: I consider this a more afternoon tea, this is the one we received from Dh’s friend. He bought it for us as it was the only En Masse tea listed with aphrodisiac properties.

Twilight Zone: A lavender blend we’ve enjoyed a couple of times now as a bedtime soother.

They have many other blends I am keen to try out though! You can also mix the teas which adds a whole extra range of possible flavours! I am finding the whole process of brewing tea to be very zen as well and the pretty tea set helps as well (it is all glass, including the cups which are double-walled). The fact that these teas are so strong and full of flavour also means you don’t need extra sugar or honey so we can enjoy them pure. I am hopeful that once the herbs in the garden are more established I will be able to use some of them in teas as well.

Stepping back from my wardrobe

Today I counted my clothing items, I own about 80 pieces of clothing (excluding shoes). This includes winter and summer gear as well as gym clothing and an old T shirt and shorts I keep for gardening. This is enough for me for now. I have halved my wardrobe since August and will pause the process here for a while. There are still items I don’t wear often but these are also more special occasion stuff, like pretty going out tops and a full length grey dress that is also for more formal affairs. I have been so obsessed with a capsule wardrobe that I almost forgot the big picture. I realised this last night when I woke up in a panic dreaming about clothing I had to give away! How awful to have it prey so heavily on my mind, that was not the purpose of this whole cutting down evolution. The clothing I have now represents a good working wardrobe with a selection of colours and styles. I have enough items that I will now rely on a more natural process of slimming down, ie I won’t replace items so quickly as they wear out.

I will keep the work experiment going though. 4 work weeks with 12 items. After 4 days everything is still going fine. Dressing in the morning is a cinch and I feel that everything I wear seems quite professional and suits me well (I got rid of some ill-fitting work tops earlier). It is also very basic and maybe a bit bland but that’s ok because I always look forward to going home and putting on my brights at the end of each day. Tomorrow Ill wear my coral blouse though as I am itching for a splash of colour.

My working wardrobe capsule

I was thinking about trying out the 30 fro 30 challenge (30 items of clothing for 30 days) and have decided that it is probably too big a challenge for me at the moment. I love my bright colours and have pinks, corals and myriad shades of blue in my closet which would make it quite difficult to come up with the basic pieces that will mix and match well. Also I am not scared to admit that I think I will probably get bored with my wardrobe very soon if I had to limit it like this.

Instead I decided to try something similar on only my work cloths. I have a semi-uniform for work; Neutral colours, pants, a shirt and flat shoes. Work is casual enough that I can wear jeans and although I could get away with wearing T-shirts I prefer to wear a shirt with a collar as I find this an easy way to look professional and make a divide between my work and my home cloths. As a child I always went to a school with uniforms (most schools here in SA) and I’ve continued to change when I get home ever since. I find coming home from work, taking a shower and then putting on my home cloths the easiest way for me to separate my thoughts and to keep my mind from dwelling on work issues after hours.

So I thought since I already have a uniform it wouldn’t be too hard to limit myself here. I choose only 12 items, things that are already staples in my work life. I tried to make sure that everything went with everything else for maximum flexibility.

My work items:
1 x Jeans (bootleg)
1 x Black pants
1 x Purple pants
1 x white ¾ shirt
1 x black satin shirt
1 x Short sleeved white shirt
1 x coral shirt
1 x navy Cardigan
1 x grey jumper
1 x blue-grey handbag
1 pair black moccasin flats
1 pair grey leather trainers

 

Almost all of above is black, white or grey. However I included my purple pants and a coral shirt for some colour and they go quite well with the purple glasses I wear while at work (I find my contacts irritate me when I am doing lots of work on the PC). I realise a black bag would probably be a better match with the items I choose but since I don’t own one this blue has become my working standard, luckily since I spend all day in the office it is only visible on the way to and from the office so I am not too worried that it doesn’t match my black items. I apologise for poor pic quality, the cable for my better camera has been temporarily misplaced what with so many people having stayed  in our flat moving stuff around it’s a mission to find anything! I will try this out for a month to see how it goes.

Monday I wore my jeans, white ¾ shirt and my black moccasins. Tuesday was the same except I swapped out the jeans for the purple pants. Hoping this will simplify my mornings a bit.

Things Ive noticed purging my wardrobe

I’ve been purging my closet every now and then since August and find new stuff to chuck each time. I am also starting to notice more which items I consistently wear and what I don’t.

What I’ve noticed;

·         I love skirts but never seem to wear them! I must have had about 20 pairs, I’ve streamlined this down to two and I am still considering this a lot. Lesson learned: Stop buying skirts!

·         Instead of skirts I wear cropped pants. Not shorts! In fact I seem to avoid wearing anything that falls over the knee (I think I have horribly knobbly knees and prefer to always keep them covered). So I will stop buying shorts as well, but keep a select number of cropped pants (I have a blue, black, white and grey pair so I am quite covered).

·         Do not buy heels more than 4cm high. I have purged almost all my high heels, they are mostly uncomfortable, difficult to drive in and my DH doesn’t like the fact that they make me the same height (or taller!) as him. I did keep one pair of purple studded heels though (because every girl should have at least one pair of killer heels right?)

·         Most of the clothing I wear a lot seems to be in similar shades. The colours I wear a lot: Navy, Fushia, Purple and various shades of blue (a smidge of coral also crept in last summer). I have decided to make these colours the focus of my wardrobe and stop buying items that vary from this standard (besides for black and white). Hopefully simplifying my colour palette will enable me to move towards a more capsule like wardrobe where everything suits everything else.

·         I like slightly puffed out sleeves on T-shirts, wide necks and most Ts I wear a lot are solid colours. I have one or two printed Ts but seem to avoid patterns on my cloths.

·         My style seems to be classic cut but fairly bright (I do love some colour!). I feel most comfortable in modest clothing (not for me plunging necklines and short skirts!) but do not mind wearing tight figure revealing stuff as long as my skin is covered.

Knowing all this it should be easier in future to decide what I need and what I should rather leave in the shop. Maybe I can even split up my colours into a winter and summer palette. My coral for ie are all summer items, whereas most of my purple items translate well to winter outfits.

Purchasing errors

I know everyone occasionally buys stuff they regret later. I have about 3-4 clothing blunders every year. It’s a lot less than during my student days but still way more than I would like. Purging my wardrobe the first time in August got rid of a lot of the older purchases but still left me with a few regrets.

My single biggest recent mistake was buying these:

 

A pair of wedge sneakers in Tan. I think they are very pretty but they are wrong for me on numerous levels;

1.       I don’t own any tan/beige/brown clothing that would match. I can only get them to work with my jeans and two other pairs of pants.

2.       Their ankle height means you need a skinny pant under or something shorter (I never wear skirts)

3.       I find them to be big and clumpy and quite heavy on my feet

4.       I almost never wear heels

5.       Lastly I feel awkward in them, they are supposed to be very in and trendy (or were when I bought them) but when I put them on I get the feeling I’m not wearing the right stuff with them. I almost feel like they are too fashion forward for me and the rest of my outfit feels frumpy in comparison.

They are practically brand new, I wore them 2-3 times when I first bought them and then packed them away and haven’t taken them out since. What do you do with something like this? Part of me wants to continue ignoring them rather than admit the mistake (after all they weren’t cheap either), part of me feels I should make an effort to wear them and the rest feels they should go.

I also wish I was hip enough to pull these off. I’ve learnt that some of my mistake purchases are when I buy items to fit a lifestyle I would like to have rather than my current one. Examples such as this one (I am a hip young trend setter), sky high polished business pumps and tailored black pants (a successful corporate CEO), 2 beach dresses (why, oh why?).

I also often get suckered into the ‘buy the second one at half price’ ads which is why I have some items numerous times just in different colours. I am looking at you Urban for always getting me here!

I am hoping this no-buying stuff for a year and the 30 for 30 project (more on this later) will teach me to think better before I purchase items and help avoid making future blunders

My Garden

So here’s a pic of my new little garden! I am quite pleased at how it is looking and especially chuffed that I put in the wooden stepping stones (which allow me access everywhere without always having to stand in the dirt, perfect for harvesting something quickly while already dressed for dinner). It is also sloped so I’ve taken care to put rock ridges up to make flattish terraces. Hopefully this will keep the soil from running downhill.

I’ve planted seedlings:
Fennel, Parsley, Oregano, Wild Rocket, Red Basil, Lettuce, Sage, Basil, Coriander, Mint, Thyme
 
Seeds;
Spinach, Water cress, Sunflowers and more basil. Im looking forward to when they pop out and fill in the garden a bit more. Scan the soil everymorning for the first buds!

And discovered some other herbs in the garden (my downstairs neighbour took me around to point them all out): Lavender, Lemon Thyme, Wild rocket (this one really just looks like a weed to me!) and Rosemary.

We have so many herbs in the garden now! I will have to start looking at recipes to use them all. Some I will have to wait awhile to use since the plants are still too small for harvesting, but others like the rosemary and wild rocket are already very established and we can use at will.

I must still find a way to make some name tags. At the moment I am just using bits of cardboard so that I can remember what’s what (since I can’t recognize herbs yet). Will need to move to something more permanent but don’t want to buy anything. Must make a plan.

The outdoors

Last night was the last night with my sister and her husband staying with us. Now everyone is out the house and I am looking forward to having the house uncluttered and just to us and the cat again.

We had dinner outside. I think we should try and stay outside as much as possible throughout the coming summer now. It is pleasant to sit outside and look at the garden and just chat away from any distractions like the computers or TV. She has also organized us an organic vegetable packet every other week. I can go pick-up the first one tomorrow and I am quite curious what will be in it. Me and my husband usually eat a lot of take-away (thank goodness eating out is fairly cheap in SA!), like 4-5 times a week! We’ve been saying for a while that we should cook at home more often and maybe this veggie packet will be a way to stimulate that.

I also went through my closet again and piled up another bunch of cloths. My sister had said she desperately needed new clothing and would take anything I didn’t want any more so that motivated a second purge. I found quite a bit, more actually than I thought I would after my initial purge at the start of August. I also haven’t bought any new clothing items since end July (so on month 4 of my no-buying year!). Proud of myself but dodging my husband at the mo who has said I really ought to buy some new pyjamas. I am currently using my yoga pants with an old T-shirt or a cute set with Hello Kitty (which I think is adorable but he thinks no-one over 16 should be wearing). So I might have to make one exception.

Moving outdoors

Well, finally life is starting to settle down a bit. Enough that I can relax with my new husband and start to let being married sink-in. The last two weeks have been an absolute whirlwind of activity and we have had family around non-stop. We even had people staying in our flat (in the living room since we have no guest rooms) and it served as a holding space for luggage for everyone coming and going. Laundry was done almost every day and the living room was crowded with so much stuff. It has been an exercise in patience for me as well. Everywhere I looked in the house it was a mess, but I couldn’t clean as most stuff wasn’t ours. There was stuff everywhere and I saw all the de-cluttering I’d been doing totally undone. *sigh*

 

The only way to escape the madness inside over which I had no control was to open-up the back door and roll outside. We recently bought garden furniture (before the minimalism thing) and we had the table and chairs out almost constantly, we could sit outside in the calm and have a meal not staring at all the clear-up work that still needed doing. That was a saviour. My sister, who’s turned into an avid gardener and grows a lot of her own vegetables, helped me to convert a small plot by our back door into a herb garden. Now we can sit outside and have the garden to look at. It is very pretty and makes me happy. We should have done this long ago but it was the initial effort needed that always seemed too much. Now my sister’s husband prepped the soil while we went shopping for the plants and then we spent a couple of hours decided on the layout and where to put stuff that was quite enjoyable. That night I used some of our wedding jars with candles to place around the garden and having dinner outside was great. My husband, who didn’t seem very keen on gardening before, was talking about the watering system he could set-up and seemed very excited as well.

Bonus, last night we had a braai for the building tenants (this is a first for our building but it nice that everyone seems to get on and we have some interesting neighbours) and everyone seemed really impressed and motivated as well. Now there’s talk of getting a worm farm and extending the gardening efforts to adjoining plots. It is motivating that other people are so excited as well. It’s a very different response than I had to the minimizing though.

New mantra 'after the wedding'

Moving into minimalism for me seems to be in ups and downs. At the moment we are in a down. We are less than three weeks out to the wedding and I alternate between being stressed and passive. On one hand I suddenly think of something I’ve forgotten and then on the other I figure it all doesn’t really matter, no matter what happens it will still be our wedding and we will be surrounded by loved ones. The final preparations have also seen more stuff coming into the flat than leaving. There are boxes of wine stacked in the lounge and bits of coloured decor paper everywhere. Glass jars, Consular paperwork and ceremony programs. I am finding it all a bit grim and at this point just want to have it be the day already; this waiting is driving me nuts and just gives me time to think of more stuff to do.

The itch to still shed more stuff is still there, there are a few cupboards I still want to get too but I seem to have neither the energy nor motivation to get to them at the moment. Right now my mantra is ‘after the wedding’, my life will continue after the wedding, until then everything else seems on hold even the things that I deem important like friends and going out. Right now our evenings are mostly fully booked, final details cake last night, DJ tomorrow, hair and make-up trial on Friday (which they say will take upwards of 2 hours!), dress-fittings, coffee vendors and payments.

Things I’ve moved to ‘after the wedding’:

·         Starting a small herb garden and getting an indoor potted plant

·         Having dinner with a new couple we’ve met who seem pretty cool

·         Moving onto chemical free shampoo and conditioner (luckily I still have lots of the home-made body wash or else I might have slid back to commercial stuff here too)

·         Organizing a braai for our friends

·         Going back to the gym (I used to go twice a week but have been too exhausted last few months so kept putting it off)

So even though the wedding was the catalyst that had me yearning for a more simple lifestyle it is unfortunately getting in the way of a lot of the things I want to do to simplify. At first I wanted to power through and just heap the decluttering and new lifestyle on top of my other commitments. I have learned though that I need to be kinder to myself and take things more as a step by step process that I don’t need to complete in record time. So it too is for ‘after the wedding’.

Continuing minimalism

How to continue minimalism once you’ve done the initial purge? At the moment the cupboards are clean and the flat looks like it’s had a decent de-clutter but I want to extend the impact further than that. I am itching to start getting rid of some of our bigger pieces, the futon being the first to go. However, we have a friend of my boys staying over for a week around the wedding and everybody’s been telling us how handy it is to have somewhere for a guest to sleep. I am trying to motivate to my boy that instead of the futon which takes up a lot of space all the time (and looks quite scruffy) maybe we could buy, or heavens forbid, borrow a nice blow-up air mattress for when people stay over since all in all it’s only a couple of times a year. No success yet so it’s something else I have to try and ignore (still doing that for my boys desk as well).

So rather a re-focusing on me then since my fiancé is not convinced yet. As mentioned before I am quite happy with my slimmed down wardrobe. I am nowhere near the 33 items of Project 333 but I am happy with the current state of affairs and want to see if I can work with it as is for a while. To that end I’ve decided to not buy any new cloths for 1 year. Since I’ve not bought anything since I’ve started trimming down I have set the start date at 1 August 2013. I will thus endeavour to not buy any new clothing until 1 August 2014. This will include accessories such as scarves, belts, shoes, jewellery and even hand bags (another personal weakness).

This is somewhat complicated, and I am sure I will often be tempted, as part of my job is to occasionally visit retail shops. I stand in shops and look at the lighting, making sure the merchandise looks good and the window displays and entries are inviting. I’ve been on site three times since this experiment started and it is difficult to ignore the items hanging around and not make a mental note to come back after hours for a decent look. I am an avid shopper so it is a bit tough. All the minimalist websites say to avoid shops and the temptation, which is not possible for me so I will just have to rely on will-power.

Even writing this now I am thinking about going out to get a new pair of jeans. I ripped my favourite pair and in an attempt at frugality I bought and iron-on patch to cover the hole. Unfortunately the iron was too hot and the patch melted leaving a colourful streak all over my jeans. Gaaah, disaster! Not sure if I can rescue them and sad since they were my live-in pants. I will have to see if I can still salvage them. After the iron incident I just stuffed them at the bottom of my closet as I was too upset to face them for a while. I wonder if anyone else does that.

A good evening

My good day continued on into the evening. I did a quick blitz clean when I got home, it’s much easier now to stay on top of house cleaning and after about 30min it was all back to how it should be. Since Id had some good music on in the car on the drive home I was still singing along to all the tunes while doing the housework. I then sprayed a layer of varnish on my wedding shoes (an old pair I’ve updated by coating them in glitter). I picked a whole bunch of lemons off the tree outside. I’m so glad we have that tree, it’s got loads of lemons on it at the moment and no one else in the complex seems to be using them. I then studied a chapter, had dinner (which my boy cooked), baked a quick lemon cake and went back to studying while it was in the oven. At 9.40 I stopped and offered my boy a massage as he’d had a terrible day and I wanted to mellow him out. I often give him a massage in the evening since he suffers from cropped up tension in his lower back and shoulders. Poor thing, he is too invested in his job and finds it hard not to take everything to heart. I love that about him, that he cares so much but it does make him a bit vulnerable. After that I climbed into bed and read for a while before going to sleep.

All in all a good evening. Well balanced between the things I have to do; cleaning and studying, those I want to do; reading and baking, and those for my relationship; a long conversation over dinner and a massage.

It was a busier night than most though, I don’t think every evening will be like this but I did realise that my boy needs a bit more support right now, he’s having a really tough time at work at the moment and is getting worn down. I like that I can give it to him, it doesn’t even involve a lot of effort. Maybe there’s a lesson there as well, even small actions can have large consequences. I can make him feel so much better by just listening for a few minutes.

I am determined though to free up time in my life for the people around me.

a good day

When I got dressed this morning I found it fairly easy to decide what to wear for a change. I also brushed my hair, tied a ribbon in it, put on some eye-liner and a pair of cute earrings. For me this is huge! I’ve been dragging my feet to get to work the last year or so and usually just ended up in jeans and an anorak (9 times out of 10 the same one). I’d almost never brush my hair or bother to look smart unless I knew we had important clients visiting.

Two weeks ago though we had an upheaval in the office and my one co-worker was finally fired (the sleeping on the job, alcoholic, sexist man ugh). Ever since then it feels like a weight has been lifted in the office and both me and my one left over colleague are much happier and relaxed (its amazing how one pessimist can drag at your well-being! I understand now about cutting toxic people out of your life!). Anyway the week after that I started dressing with more intent. It is much easier to do as well now. My wardrobe has been halved and I have a rule of if I don’t wear it I chuck it which has also meant I am wearing a larger selection of my cloths (because I have some pretty stuff I feel I can’t toss, so must wear!).

I have also given a lot of stuff away to friends which had the added bonus of now when I was looking for a white cardigan for the wedding one has already offered to lend me hers. Hmmm that had me thinking, for special occasions it might be better to ask around what’s available among friends before going out and buying something you only get to wear once. Shopping your friends closet’s is a pretty new concept to me but one I find fairly exciting! Of course it’s all about reciprocating, if I borrow cloths I open up my closet to potential lenders as well. I am ok with that.

Friday afternoon I also logged into my Facebook account for the last time. It took a while to copy out all the contact details and photos I wanted to keep (FB actually has a download copy of data function which is so handy!). Then I had to google how to permanently delete your account (since FB hides the button apparently so you can only find it when you do a search --> a clever way of making deletion just tricky enough to deter some people!). And tada! I am now FB free, or at least my profile will disappear in 14 days! Pressing the delete button was hard! I will admit to feeling a bit stressed about it and worried I might miss info and people. After it was done though I now feel relaxed and do not regret the decision or feel the need to log on quickly to cancel the deletion (as mentioned above, FB gives you a 14 day window before deletion actually occurs so you can still change your mind). There is no going back though!

All in all, I feel happier at work, more relaxed in general and look better. Smiles all round :)

Another weekend

Another weekend has come and gone! I did almost nothing this weekend, biggest contributing factor was the weather which was dismal! I started a new book and spent most of my time reading, even reading in bed since it was warmer under the blankets. Our kitty agreed, she must have been very cold because she came and crawled in under the blankets with me and spent the time snoozing, stretched out all along my leg.

I did remove a few more items from my wardrobe, patch up a torn pair of jeans that I used to wear almost every day and came to the realisation I have no useable winter clothes for Europe. All my jumpers are fairly light and I own no gloves or woolly hats. This is a slight problem since we are going to France in December to celebrate our wedding with all my Fiancés family who couldn’t make it to CT. When I left Europe (some 4 years ago now) I vowed never to return during winter so I chucked all my winter gear. Opps. However, as part of the minimalism ideal I will not now go out and buy some winter kit. I will ask around if I can lend stuff from some friends and maybe borrow some items from my Fiancés sister while there (this would actually be fantastic because then I don’t even need to pack it and schlep it there and back!). tada! Quick thinking :)

Otherwise I’ve been thinking I need to try and focus on one thing at a time. I have a tendency to over reach and then not get anything done. At the moment here’s what I am busy with and what I was thinking about tackling:

1.       Work (8hrs a day)

2.       Studying (I have a big assignment due in three weeks so about an hour a day at least required here)

3.       De-cluttering (trying to simplify our flat and lifestyle)

4.       Gym and swimming

5.       Eating healthy (I wanted to tackle a no-sugar diet)

6.       Meditation (would love to start)

7.       Gardening – start a small herb garden in a vacant plot in the communal garden of our building (I already have permission from other owners)

8.       Volunteer work --> I’ve been thinking about where and what. I think teaching Maths would be the most personally rewarding for me.

9.       Chemical free life – Make my own cleaning products and toiletries

I’ve realised it’s all too much and too soon! I need to take smaller steps if I want lasting change. I’ve thus decided to nix the sugar free diet (although I will try and cut down a bit I won’t be so strict), the gardening, meditation and volunteer work for now.

Instead I will try and re-focus on the simplifying of life, including the chemical-free ideal and a bit more exercise. That’s not to say that I won’t get around to the other stuff though! I am quite excited about my sister coming over end October. She’s been doing her own veggie garden for a few years now so I am hoping she can get me started with the gardening.

Giving stuff to friends

Voila finally got around to taking pictures. These are the items in good enough shape that I figured I’d see if any friends want to claim anything before I donate it. Either way I am keen to get this stuff out the house soon. It’s all in a big box that has been living by our front door the last few weeks. It must now make space for our wedding wine which is arriving on Friday. Not sure I like the fact that we have to store 20 boxes of wine in our lounge but I do agree that it was better wine than our venue was offering. Sigh, at least I know those boxes are only temporary.

Phones :(

This weekend I spent some more time doing a further clean out of my wardrobe. I also arranged everything on the dinner table and took pictures. I am planning to send the pics to friends to see if anyone claims anything before I take it to the charity shop.

It’s also my last week on Facebook since I’ve decided to quit. I need to spend some time this week, noting down any details I want to keep (ie some birthday dates and some pictures) and then I will cut it :). I watched a video yesterday which showed some people constantly on their phone, to the extent that they were missing out on other stuff. I liked that I am not like that. My phone has no BBM, Whats App or internet access. At work and when I’m driving I leave it in my handbag and usually don’t even hear it. I refuse to pick up while driving, nothing is that urgent. I have also resisted a hands-free set, I do not want to call while I am in the car. Driving is my own time, I need it to prepare mentally for the day or to unwind. When I am out with friends my phone  also doesn’t leave my handbag. There’s not much worse after all than trying to have a conversation with someone trying to post twitter feeds while you’re busy! One of my pet peeves, if you’re talking to me please look at me and not your phone. The fact that your constantly looking makes me feel like you are not interested in me and could care less what I have to say.

Glad my boy is also not as attached to his phone. He does occassional murmer that he would like to get an iPhone so we will see how that goes. I've already made it clear I am not buying him one for his upcoming birthday (after he kept droppping hints).

The slump

Wow, this is hard. I seem to be running out of steam and feel like I’ve taken on a bit too much at the moment. I’m still keen to simplify but just don’t seem to have the time or energy! Terrible I know since one of the reasons for less clutter is more free-time! Work is insane at the moment, not just in quantity but in emotional stress. They are finally mobilising to fire my drunk/abusive/sleeping colleague but I’m taking a lot of flank from him at the moment since I am the only one in office with him. A zen zen zen zen......

Anyway I must remember to breath every now and then, I will be so much happier when he’s gone at least. Also sorting out accommodation for everyone at our wedding plus travel plans to another wedding so all a bit much. Tonight I’m busy again but Friday I will take off from everything! Have a day completely free of email (at least after work) tv, friends, weddings and cleaning. I plan to plonk down on the sofa when I get home and dive into a new book. I am actually really looking forward to that!
 
De-cluttering will continue this weekend. I also hit a stop because general clutter is out of sight so I feel better. There are still a few cupboards that I haven’t done yet. I’ve also started making a list of more stuff that needs to go. It includes our vacuum; we have a large industrial one that doesn’t fit in any of the cupboards so it sits in a corner of the lounge and has been annoying me for almost 2 years now! I will finally bite the bullet and buy a smaller one that I can pack away (my fiancés reasoning always being we don’t need to buy one, we already have one!). Nuts to that! I want it gone!

Futons and Vinegar

The box in the lounge with stuff to gift friends is starting to annoy me. I am tempted to just go and drop it all off at the charity shop as well. I have also gained a tray on my birthday. My mum was determined to get me something for my birthday and in the end since I kept saying I didn’t need anything did it rather sneakily. She bought one I thought looked pretty (which she told me was for at my parents’ house). It then didn’t fit in her suitcase when she was packing up to leave so she gifted it to me. Nicely done! It is a pretty tray though.

I understand about minimalism being hard now! I get constant questions now about our wedding registry. People are sweet to want to buy us stuff though so it’s a bit hard to refuse everything. A zen! Looks like we might be due another purge after the wedding! Most things in my life now seem to have the tagline ‘after the wedding’!

Further news about the shower gel: I added another cup of water, so now it’s almost 1L. The consistency is still gooey and the smell of the lye overpowers the essential oils. As said I’ll use it up and then try again. My boy is not convinced and still prefers his Radox. I also went ahead and bought the essential green cleaning set = white vinegar, Baking soda and Castile Soap. I have my eye on two spray bottles at home that are almost empty. When they are I plan to rinse them out well and use them for a water/vinegar mix and a castile soap cleaner.

Other minimalist news: We have decided to sell our futon. It takes up a lot of space in our small flat and gets used probably about once a year. I figure we can lend a blow-up mattress from friends for the ‘once a year’ that anyone stays over.

Day 25 and Body Wash

Tuesday night I made my first body wash! I used a bar of vegetable soap (fragrance free), a tablespoon of coconut oil, 3 cups of water and 15 drops of sweet orange essential oil.

Impressions: It took a long time for the soap to melt (it was on the boil with the water). Once finished it was very runny but I figured it would solidify a bit as it cooled down. I poured it into a plastic water bottle and it made about 750ml. I actually used the warm bottle as a hot water bottle that evening while reading (yay so nice and waaaarm). The next morning it had a slightly thicker consistency but had settled out a bit. The top part looked thicker than the layers underneath. In fact by the afternoon the top had almost solidified but a good shake got it all flowing again.

I haven’t used it in the shower yet since I figured I’d give it more time to set. I did try it to wash my hands though. I found it very slimy! I think this is mostly due to the soap I used though (it was a pure nature soap and was quite oily to begin with). The orange scent is also not discernible :(. I will try and add some more orange oil and see if this helps. Looking at the consistency I think I should have added 4 cups of water, I am not sure if I can add another cup now though.

Overall: Useable but not fantastic. I think I need a different base soap though (It for ie said Fragrance free but actually had a strong soapy smell which now completely covers my orange). Maybe I’ll check at Pick n Pay again for their soap selection (since I was so pleasantly surprised last time by their oils). I’ll have another go once I’ve used up this one, which might take a while. It is actually very cheap, the bar of soap cost me R35 and I now have 750ml body wash. I think the soap was actually too fancy though (I bought it at a specialized soap place) so it should be even cheaper if I use a different one in the future. My only other gripe: The plastic 1L bottle looks terrible in the shower.

No gifts please

My mother is staying with us at the moment which is great. We’ve been going over the wedding planning and catching up in general. The only blip is that she’s been asking about our gift registry. I am all for a no gifts wedding but she says we should have some stuff on it and not just a bank account. Since she was in the kitchen at the time she mentioned an espresso machine (I don’t drink coffee but hubby-2-b’s ears definitely perked up), blender or kitchen robot. I tried to remind her that we were cutting down and I didn’t want to just fill up the flat again with lots of stuff but she seemed a bit adamant. My mother always buys us stuff for the flat. Once a year my parents house-sit for us when we go on holiday and there are always new knives/towels/kitchen gadgets etc when we get back. I’ve had no complaints until now.

Thinking this no gifts thing for the wedding will be tricky to enforce but will still give it a go. My boy is all for just asking for cash but I am finding it all a bit tacky. I am inviting people because I want them there, not because of the gift we might receive. We have a wedding website and I wonder if it will be best to post something on there even though that also seems tacky. Agrr maybe I just quietly let family and bridal party know we aren’t expecting gifts and certainly not stuff and hope it filters through to everyone.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and start planning all over again. Try and avoid more of the crazy wedding ‘traditions’ and keep everything more low-key as I originally wanted. Weddings are such a large industry it is very difficult not to get suckered in. (I’ve mentioned before how aggressive I find the Industry). Anyway too late now and I am sure it will all be lovely, maybe in a couple of years we can have a more intimate anniversary party.

Resolutions

I’ve been reading up about resolutions and how to stick to them. Everything states that it is important to define your goals and try and set measurable ones instead of a vague ‘eat healthier’ for ie. I’ve tried to do that and here they are;

Health:

·         Drink more water – at least 3 glasses with lemon juice and 1 with Apple Cider Vinegar and Honey every day.

·         Drink less alcohol – Confine week drinking to 2 units max. Weekend limit to one unit per hour. Drink at least one non-alcoholic (water, ginger ale) for every 2 units consumed

·         Eat less refined sugar – No sugar in my tea and using Honey everywhere I can as a substitute.

·         Eat breakfast – this is a big one for me! I’ve been skipping breakfast since I was 15

·         Exercise more often – Squash once a week. Gym once a week and 2 x 30min walks each week. Try and make one of those walks up the steep incline in our neighbourhood (I want to use that as a measure, I can hardly make it up now so hopefully I will see this improving with time).

Happiness:

·         Paint more – Try for 1 hour a week

·         Read more – Also try an hour a week

·         Develop new hobbies – at the moment I am keen to try out all these essential oils

·         Watch less TV – Limit this to 3 hours a week (my guilty pleasure is Shameless 3, the American version, love this!)

·         Get a house plant – I am thinking of Lilies at the moment, they are fairly easy to keep, are pretty and help to detoxify your air. Don’t stress when it dies (they invariably do in our flat). Another alternative is Aloe which is even easier to keep alive.

Live simply:

·         Reduce chemical use – I would like to have replaced at least 80% of our cosmetics and cleaning products with non-toxic, green stuff by the end of the year. Goal to be free of all toxic chemicals by May 2014.

·         Recycle – Start with Paper, Glass and cans, none of these can end up in our normal trash anymore. Gradually work in plastic as well.

·         Declutter – Mostly done. Make it a mission to stay on top of this though.

·         Less social media - quit Facebook, I’ve already posted on my wall that I’ll be leaving at the end of August.

This weekend I tried them all out. The alcohol one went out the window. It was destined to since the whole purpose of the weekend was to sample every wine on our wedding venues list and decide which we wanted. The reading and art though were sorted. I spent quite a bit of time on both and enjoyed doing some sketches. Every time I draw I always say after, that was great I should do that more often! We also spent the whole long weekend tech-free, we didn’t even put any music on. Instead we built a fireplace, read, cycled and played board games.