Before the wedding I didn’t have time to study much and told
myself and others that as long as I got 50% it was fine. That is a pass after
all. Now that we are closer to the date I feel a mounting pressure to excel at
this. It is Statistics, Maths is supposed to be my thing and the thought of
doing less than a distinction (75%) is disheartening.
After the paper I worked on a couple of other exam style
questions to try and see where the holes in my knowledge are. I wasn’t feeling
well so I also went to bed early and spent the rest of the night doing stats
calculations in my head. So where does one draw the line? 64 is not bad, with
minimal work I can pull it up to 70. Why is this not enough?
At what point is it better to stop stressing and be happy
with results as is? The drive to excel is not all bad though, it pushes people
to do better and can result in some pretty amazing feats. I guess, as in most
things in life, it is about finding a balance. I don’t seem to have found it quite
yet. Requiring perfection from myself is something I often struggle with. It
has improved in recent years and I do push myself less hard than before (after
ending up in hospital twice you do learn that your body can’t take the
continued pressure for long). To combat the sleepless nights I will have to
fall back to an older coping mechanism. Spend at least half an hour before
bedtime not studying. I found before that it helps to put the books aside, have
a hot shower and a cup of tea and maybe read a chapter or two of a novel before
bed. Luckily it is only a few more nights till the exam.
I am still learning to
cut myself some slack.
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