When More is Less

I’ve been reading snippets of Barry Schartz – The Paradox of choice.

He talks about the affluence in America today, how people have so many more options than before but are not measurably happier. He says that the overabundance of options (everything from cereal to which university to go to) makes us feel like we have to analyse every decision we make. We are also quicker to regret choices, always thinking we missed out on a better opportunity.

He says it is better to live as a satisficing, someone who makes decisions they find are good enough and moves on than a maximizer, someone who always looks for the best deal. Maximizers are often overwhelmed by the options, spend too much time making a decision and more often have regrets about whether it was correct afterwards.

I feel like this resonates with me, particularly in this season of gift buying.

To be happier Swartz suggests accepting your decisions (not trying to reverse them afterward for fear of missing out on better) and appreciating what you have rather than constantly comparing your life to others.

There is great similarity in this, minimalism and the blogs I read about simplifying your life and finding happiness. It is reassuring to know that it is normal to feel overwhelmed by all the choices we make today. I feel like I would like to cut some of the more mundane choices out of my life. It is not always easy to avoid decisions though. A life is full of them, from everyday like what to eat and wear to more important decisions like who to marry, whether to have children or what career you want.

When making big decisions I like to be informed, at the moment for ie I am reading everything I can about children. DH wants to start a family but I am not convinced yet. Learning and reading up about stuff has always been my way of coping with hard decisions. My mother told me though that this is not a decision you’re ever really ready for and sometimes you just have to have faith that it will all work out. Maybe shes right maybe decisions should rely more on faith and intuition than endless research. Still not sure about kids but mulling things over and trying not to over analyse. Or maybe I should rather try and limit my decision options in smaller items such as whats for dinner first instead of such a huge life question.

Gift buying and minimalism

What to do when you’re the only minimalist during Christmas?

We are going to France to meet-up with all DHs family. We will be spending Christmas with them. They usually give each other gifts and DH has already told me that he grew up with a lot of stuff and in his family material gifts are important. Gift giving is kinda how they show they care. Hmmm tough for me now. I was hoping to skip the whole gift giving rigmarole, and have told everyone not to worry about getting me anything there’s nothing I want.

But what about when you know you are getting things anyway? Culturally the concept of reciprocation is very strong. It is inbuilt and very hard not to give back once you’ve received something. So all of a sudden I’m faced with having to get some gifts anyway. Gifts for people in France.  I would like to avoid material gifts, so far I am thinking vouchers for massages, movie tickets etc. However since these companies are based in France their websites are all in French (predictable but not making my life easier). His family also live in a tiny village so no major shops or chains close by I can get them vouchers for. At this point I am thinking to just fill the suitcase with food and drink from here and give everyone some of that.

There are many online idea gift lists for minimalists, all saying experience experience, which is fine if you’re in a big metro where there are lots of options. I don’t even think there’s a cinema in DHs hometown! There’s quite a bit of pressure on me now to go out and buy something, anything! Or am I being needlessly hard on myself?

Choosing how you feel

Today I am tired. I feel like I have a million errands to run and there was traffic getting to work this morning. Ordinarily I would be upset and angry.

Angry at my spouse for gaming late and keeping me up last night.  Angry that he is not helping out more with the chores.  Annoyed that I had to take a detour into traffic this morning to pick up a colleague and cross in general since I’m tired. I would normally be snappy for the rest of the day and pass on my foul mood to everyone I came in contact with today.

But there is an alternative. I can choose not to be angry. Stuff happens, it’s not always good but we can choose how much we let it affect us. In the past I have always let it affect me a lot. I panic and freak out or feel so overwhelmed I just want to go home and cry. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I can master my emotions. I choose not to be upset today (how unfortunate that doesn’t work for tired as well!). I have made a list of my errands and will work through them. Instead of being cross with DH I asked him for help. He can do some errands for me. I have to pause every time I am getting upset and realise he is not doing it on purpose, he just doesn’t know. When I ask him to do something he gets it done so I should just ask more often without sitting around fuming and wondering how long it will take him to notice. That is unfair on him.

So today I will be tired yes, but I will also be calm. Maybe I can even choose to be happy :)

Work wardrobe Results:

Here are the results of my 4-week 12 piece work wardrobe challenge

Monday 11: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Tuesday 12: Purple pants, white ¾, moccasins
Wednesday 13: Purple pants, black satin shirt, grey jersey, moccasins
Thursday 14: Jeans, black satin shirt, grey jersey, moccasins
Friday 15: Jeans, coral shirt, waistcoat, geox tekkies

Monday 18: White striped shirt, black pants, moccasins, grey jersey
Tuesday 19: White striped shirt, jeans, moccasins, navy cardigan
Wednesday 20: Jeans, Black satin shirt, moccasins
Thursday 21: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins, navy cardigan
Friday 22: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins, navy cardigan

Monday 25: Purple pants, black satin shirt, geox tekkies, grey jersey
Tuesday 26: Jeans, black satin shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Wednesday 27: Jeans, white striped shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Thursday 28: Jeans, white striped shirt, moccasins, navy jersey
Friday 29: EXAM – so I exempted myself from work cloths

Monday 2: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Tuesday 3: Jeans, black satin shirt, moccasins, grey jersey
Wednesday 4: Jeans, white ¾, moccasins
Thursday 5: Jeans, White Striped shirt, moccasins
Friday 6: Purple pants, White Striped shirt, moccasins

What I learned from the experience;

· 4 tops are not enough. I wear 3 in a week, laundry is in the weekend and, because I air-dry, ironing is done on Wednesday evening. This means I have a three day week start with only 1 available clean top. Fortunately my black satin top requires no ironing and can be worn straight off the dry line

· The coral top was a mistake: It is hand wash or with similar colours only. Normally I can just wait until I’ve some same colours or a stack of hand washing and do it all then. With just 4 tops though I cannot afford to have one unavailable for long. It is also a fairly loose summery top, so for work I actually cheated once and added a waist coat over it to give it some more shape.

· The black pants also didn’t get a lot of wear. I like the idea of sleek black clothing but don’t actually seem to like wearing it myself. Maybe they remind me too much of a school uniform (all through high school I wore black pants with a white shirt). I don’t know what it is but it is something I have picked up on before. That’s one of the reasons I decided to make Navy a base colour of mine instead of using black.

· A limited wardrobe like this is fairly boring! Especially since (see above) my one pop of colour was mostly in the laundry basket. At the start of week three I was already tired of the look. I decided then to try and inject some interest via more interesting jewellery I had. This helped a bit but not much as I was uncertain about wearing anything too flashy to work.

· Nobody seemed to notice my limited wardrobe, I do work with only men though, they are not as perceptive but it did make me realise you don’t need a large work wardrobe

· I’ve also started to notice increased wear and tear on my cloths. My white striped shirt has worn so thin that the sleeves are starting to fray and it is going see-through!

Conclusion:

Even though I succeeded at the 4 week challenge I did not enjoy the process. I found such a limited wardrobe dull and yearned for some more variety. I think the concept of fewer items is great in theory and I can understand the benefits for saving time (getting dressed took all of three seconds with such limited choice) and money but I don’t know if it will work for me. I think I’ve reached a point in my wardrobe where I’ve slimmed down as much as I am comfortable with for now. Yes I probably still own too much but I’ve cut out about 60% of my wardrobe which is huge so I should be happy with that for now.

The appeal of silence

3 months ago I stopped listening to radio in the car. Mostly it was to avoid the constant advertising although the fact that the Djs are excessively chatty here was also a factor.

Instead I collected my favourite CDs (which would never get played in the house since we play all our music off a hard drive). Every morning or afternoon before I started driving I would choose one to suit my current mood. Usually it was fairly upbeat and I would sing along. Singing in my car makes me happy. After a while I found that on my morning commute I usually wanted something calmer. So mornings I started to listen to classical or peaceful music (Beck – seasons change  got a lot of play).

Recently though I have switched off the music completely on the morning drive. I was starting to find even the quite music a bit disruptive. Now about every other morning I drive to work in silence. It is roughly 20 minutes that I try to keep silent and my mind clear. I try not to think about work and what I need to do that day. No shopping lists, plans for later or thoughts of meeting friends. Besides for focusing on the traffic (please be alert when driving!) I like to let my mind wonder and not pay too much attention on where. I find that I come into work calmer, more awake and focussed. Now I am considering eliminating music from my morning drive completely. It is rather soothing.

The only small niggle I have is that people I talk to find it a bit strange. I don’t have TV (haven’t for about 7 years now), I started to avoid reading the newspaper and then the radio. Now I try to avoid even noise as well. For a society that needs constant background chatter I can understand that it seems a bit odd, which is why I don’t tell everyone. I get asked sometimes what I think of a new song on the radio and I reply with a vague oh I haven’t heard it yet. I don’t know the names of many actors and I don’t hear about the news unless someone tells me. I suppose some people find it a bit detached but it suits me fine, I also don’t worry about these things. Maybe other people should try a little silence too every now and then.

A new painting

I started a new artwork last night. I bought the canvas this weekend and spent the rest of the weekend deciding what to paint and finalising details (I am not a slap the paint on the canvas kinda girl – my perfectionist tendencies run to painting as well and I like to do some prep before starting on a new piece). Yesterday at work I was distracted by the thought of going home and starting on the piece. I was excited and fidgety. I was eager to start and I was surprised by the level of my anticipation. Clearly I should try and paint more often if I get this excited. The last piece I did was in March of this year.

At home I carefully sketched out the design. Taking my time to make certain I got all the details I wanted in and that the piece was exactly in the centre of my canvas. Tonight I can start with paint. I am looking forward to that as well. To mixing the colours up just right (the acrylics I use tend to turn a shade darker once dry so I’ve learnt to adapt slightly). I will get my easel out, put some background music on, possibly have a glass of wine next to me (yep the cutting out alcohol is not going so well at the moment) and paint. Before I know it, it will be time for bed. That’s what doing something you enjoy does, for me I zone out and time flies by.

I wonder why I put off doing something I enjoy so much. You should never be too busy; you make time for your pleasures right?  I am hoping with all the wedding stuff over now I can move to a more relaxed routine with more time for myself and fewer commitments on my time.