Day 3

Last night was easier than the day before. I was less strict with myself. Whereas with my shoes I’d been ruthless (think I got rid of over half) I was more lenient on clothing. I started by getting rid of everything that was damaged, discoloured or I hadn’t worn in a long time. So I reckon about 15-20%.

I figured I can’t be a minimalist overnight, it will take time for my mind-set to change and in the meantime I don’t have to put so much pressure on myself. Putting pressure on myself is what I used to do and has caused numerous problems in my life. I moved abroad to study at 18 and was determined to prove I could cope and do everything by myself. I pushed myself so hard that I got very sick at the end of first year and lost about 10% body mass (which for me is terrible since I am already quite slim). Second year I was hospitalised twice, once for a major panic attack and another time for a slipped disc which meant I couldn’t move for almost a week. I’d been pushing against the pain for weeks prior instead of slowing down so had just exacerbated the whole thing. Madness!

It’s all meant that I recognise now that I am an obsessive perfectionist, that I think relying on others shows weakness and that I overthink things. Once I knew that, it was important for me to recognise when I start to fall into these old patterns and remember to take a step back. I’ve changed a lot in the past few years, I’ve mellowed out and am quicker to call family and friends when I’m not doing ok. My life is already moving in the right direction and I am hoping a simpler lifestyle will aid the transition as well.

But I have to remind myself that it’s not a race, I will not get points for doing this quickly or more extremely.  This is a process and I will hopefully learn and maybe once I’ve gone through the flat I can always come back and re-evaluate the things still left. I need to be kinder to myself.